I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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