Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
