I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
