she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
