Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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