I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this will be a night to untag.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
