I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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