Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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