I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
