There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
