she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize