ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
