I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We got so high we made milksteak
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
