....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
