You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
