He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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