she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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