The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
