On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
