i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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