He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
