all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
