I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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