Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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