you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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