I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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