I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
