After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
