I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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