I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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