If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
