I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
