There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
