we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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