I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
