He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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