summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
