Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
