he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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