When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
