Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
