im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
