wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
