If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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