I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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