We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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