So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
