i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
