You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
