y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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