you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
