After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
