Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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