Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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