The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
BRING THE BAGELS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
