also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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