please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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