i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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