My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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