Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
