I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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