My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
