I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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