I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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