fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
