discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
