I accidentally had phone sex last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
