I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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