But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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