Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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